Match Director's Blog
Monday, September 29, 2003
Week 35 - Liquid Cucumber and the Infinite Sadness
September 29, 2003 10:03 PM
Great night tonight - my creative minds group (we don't have a name for
ourselves yet - I proposed Nun Hating Jew Nazis and the Women Who Love Them,
and Kids With Red Sneakers - we're still working on it) anyway, WE, met for the first time - they liked my idea for a TV show, which is based loosely upon my experiences teaching at a private school - which put me in an incredibly good mood. I mean, that's the whole
point of living here, right? -- spending time with people who think you're
the shit. What a Feeling!
Anyway, point of the story - I was in such a good mood I went home and
cleaned out the fridge. Now, if you know me, you know I DO NOT clean out the
fridge. No. Never. Unless I am getting ready to move out of the
apartment, I do NOT CLEAN THE FRIDGE (and if I am about to move out, I feel
put upon that I have to clean - I don't see the point in it, because, hey, I
don't care anymore. I don't live there)
But I did it. There was a terrible smell coming from the fridge and I
couldn't turn a blind eye/nose to it anymore.
My friends, I did not have to search for long. There it was in the
'Cripser'. This so called Crisper, which was not keeping ANYTHING crisp,
much less this liquid cucumber. OK, it was TECHNICALLY in a solid state,
Mr. Wizard, but barely. I touched it and it about exploded on contact,
running to mush like an icy stream thawed. It felt like a plastic bag
filled with water. It was gray on the inside. It has been there for a
long, long time.
It is almost two o'clock as I write this. Two o'clock is very late to be up
when you have to be at work at 9 in the morning.
But two o'clock is how long it took to clean out this so called refrigerator
and its so-called 'crispers.' It was more like a bio dome for mold. An
eighth-grade science project gone horribly, horribly wrong. Consider these
other assorted contents:
Chicken and noodles, fuzzy, been there at least two months.
Pot of rice, moldy - white mold spores - been there at least three months
Potatoes - white spots on them - age - ???
Smaller pot of rice - see above
Slice of beef - 2 weeks old - NO MOLD YET!!!!
Mayonaise that had expired in April.
Thai takeout, THREE CARTONS - at least two months old. (That was July,
folks.)
Mushy old red pepper.
Mushy old apples.
Old milk.
So I learned my lesson. NEVER CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE - IT IS SIMPLY SAFER TO
BUY A NEW ONE.
Share your balls.
Great night tonight - my creative minds group (we don't have a name for
ourselves yet - I proposed Nun Hating Jew Nazis and the Women Who Love Them,
and Kids With Red Sneakers - we're still working on it) anyway, WE, met for the first time - they liked my idea for a TV show, which is based loosely upon my experiences teaching at a private school - which put me in an incredibly good mood. I mean, that's the whole
point of living here, right? -- spending time with people who think you're
the shit. What a Feeling!
Anyway, point of the story - I was in such a good mood I went home and
cleaned out the fridge. Now, if you know me, you know I DO NOT clean out the
fridge. No. Never. Unless I am getting ready to move out of the
apartment, I do NOT CLEAN THE FRIDGE (and if I am about to move out, I feel
put upon that I have to clean - I don't see the point in it, because, hey, I
don't care anymore. I don't live there)
But I did it. There was a terrible smell coming from the fridge and I
couldn't turn a blind eye/nose to it anymore.
My friends, I did not have to search for long. There it was in the
'Cripser'. This so called Crisper, which was not keeping ANYTHING crisp,
much less this liquid cucumber. OK, it was TECHNICALLY in a solid state,
Mr. Wizard, but barely. I touched it and it about exploded on contact,
running to mush like an icy stream thawed. It felt like a plastic bag
filled with water. It was gray on the inside. It has been there for a
long, long time.
It is almost two o'clock as I write this. Two o'clock is very late to be up
when you have to be at work at 9 in the morning.
But two o'clock is how long it took to clean out this so called refrigerator
and its so-called 'crispers.' It was more like a bio dome for mold. An
eighth-grade science project gone horribly, horribly wrong. Consider these
other assorted contents:
Chicken and noodles, fuzzy, been there at least two months.
Pot of rice, moldy - white mold spores - been there at least three months
Potatoes - white spots on them - age - ???
Smaller pot of rice - see above
Slice of beef - 2 weeks old - NO MOLD YET!!!!
Mayonaise that had expired in April.
Thai takeout, THREE CARTONS - at least two months old. (That was July,
folks.)
Mushy old red pepper.
Mushy old apples.
Old milk.
So I learned my lesson. NEVER CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE - IT IS SIMPLY SAFER TO
BUY A NEW ONE.
Share your balls.
Labels: week 35
¶ 10:03 PM 0 comments links to this post
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Week 33 - Soccer with the Mexicans
September 11, 2003 12:07 AM
My One Year New York Anniversary is fast approaching - September 29 was my
moving date.
Only 40 some weeks in a year, apparently.
We've come a long way from yogurt parfait at 5 in the morning, haven't we?
The adventures continue. My adventure for the week? Soccer in the park
with the Mexicans. These guys can play, man. Most of them are older than
me, but they got jets. I couldn't understand a word they were saying (only
one guy spoke English) he was watching from the sidelines. He said he
thought I was Irish. The way I played I'm guessing that was an insult.
I didn't play that great, but I did score the first goal. Then about
fifteen minutes into the 7 on 7 game I was totally exhausted, but they play
every day, even in the winter, so I'm thinking they'll whip me into shape
real quick.
The biggest character on the 'field' (we play on a blacktop) was a Brazilian
guy in a number 10 Maradonna jersey. He was loud and nasty and not very
skilled, so after his team had been playing for a while and they lost, this
guy picks up his ball and goes home, leaving 20 of us standing around with
no ball. It was so elementary school I can't tell you.
I want to take Spanish now so I can figure out what the soccer guys are
saying to each other.
Labor Day was lots of fun - scored tickets to the US Open in Queens on
Friday night - saw Roddick beat Ljubicic in the second round - it was a
brutal match - not very pretty, but lots of killer serves (they aced each
other 44 times - 22 a piece) and Ljubicic got some calls that didn't go his
way and he whined. We had pretty good seats. I was with my pal Jessie from EST.
There was a lot of money in that stadium. Mullets, trucker hats and Budweiser were in short
supply.
Sunday went to grandmas 80th birthday party and then scored tickets to the
Bruce Springsteen concert in Giants stadium thanks to two ex-students of
mine, Laura Schewel and Michael Gottwald. Shout out to my nizzles.
So I know I owe the world a Big Joe DVD by September 15. Alas for all you
pervs out there, I rediscovered my epic fantasy trilogy project
when I went on vacation and have been spending 3 to 5 hours a day on it
since the cabin.
The book is rich with possibility (which is why I've been attracted to it
off and on for the last 8 years) I think the problem is each time I revise
it, in order to keep the story exciting in my own mind I go back and change
things which necessitate changes in all the surrounding paragraphs, pages,
chapters. White & Strunk preach that in good writing you should always
'Omit Needless words.' I'm getting to the point where I have to omit
needless chapters, and than can be a tough axe to swing when you've spent
months perfecting that chapter just to discover it won't go in the story.
But Dave, didn't you go to New York to do some acting?
I know, I know. But when the muse calls, you have to answer - you just have
to. Otherwise you turn out unhappy, just like Ljubicic. Or that unnamed
Brasilisan man who won't share his ball. That's the moral of the story,
I think. Share your balls. ¶ 1:56 PM 0 comments links to this post
My One Year New York Anniversary is fast approaching - September 29 was my
moving date.
Only 40 some weeks in a year, apparently.
We've come a long way from yogurt parfait at 5 in the morning, haven't we?
The adventures continue. My adventure for the week? Soccer in the park
with the Mexicans. These guys can play, man. Most of them are older than
me, but they got jets. I couldn't understand a word they were saying (only
one guy spoke English) he was watching from the sidelines. He said he
thought I was Irish. The way I played I'm guessing that was an insult.
I didn't play that great, but I did score the first goal. Then about
fifteen minutes into the 7 on 7 game I was totally exhausted, but they play
every day, even in the winter, so I'm thinking they'll whip me into shape
real quick.
The biggest character on the 'field' (we play on a blacktop) was a Brazilian
guy in a number 10 Maradonna jersey. He was loud and nasty and not very
skilled, so after his team had been playing for a while and they lost, this
guy picks up his ball and goes home, leaving 20 of us standing around with
no ball. It was so elementary school I can't tell you.
I want to take Spanish now so I can figure out what the soccer guys are
saying to each other.
Labor Day was lots of fun - scored tickets to the US Open in Queens on
Friday night - saw Roddick beat Ljubicic in the second round - it was a
brutal match - not very pretty, but lots of killer serves (they aced each
other 44 times - 22 a piece) and Ljubicic got some calls that didn't go his
way and he whined. We had pretty good seats. I was with my pal Jessie from EST.
There was a lot of money in that stadium. Mullets, trucker hats and Budweiser were in short
supply.
Sunday went to grandmas 80th birthday party and then scored tickets to the
Bruce Springsteen concert in Giants stadium thanks to two ex-students of
mine, Laura Schewel and Michael Gottwald. Shout out to my nizzles.
So I know I owe the world a Big Joe DVD by September 15. Alas for all you
pervs out there, I rediscovered my epic fantasy trilogy project
when I went on vacation and have been spending 3 to 5 hours a day on it
since the cabin.
The book is rich with possibility (which is why I've been attracted to it
off and on for the last 8 years) I think the problem is each time I revise
it, in order to keep the story exciting in my own mind I go back and change
things which necessitate changes in all the surrounding paragraphs, pages,
chapters. White & Strunk preach that in good writing you should always
'Omit Needless words.' I'm getting to the point where I have to omit
needless chapters, and than can be a tough axe to swing when you've spent
months perfecting that chapter just to discover it won't go in the story.
But Dave, didn't you go to New York to do some acting?
I know, I know. But when the muse calls, you have to answer - you just have
to. Otherwise you turn out unhappy, just like Ljubicic. Or that unnamed
Brasilisan man who won't share his ball. That's the moral of the story,
I think. Share your balls. ¶ 1:56 PM 0 comments links to this post
