Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Week 23
May 07, 2003
The reading went great, thanks for asking (many of you did). The full-blown
show is at the end of June - more info as the date draws closer. Thirty six
hours after the reading, I was on a plane for San Diego. The Spring Meeting
is here in sunny California.
Presently, there is light jazz playing on the room stereo, fresh plums and
bottled water at my bedside, potpourri hanging the closet.
Today I have tennis at three o'clock and a Swedish Massage at 6.
Dinner for 7 at Vivace, the five star restaurant here at the resort.
Rough life.
Tomorrow the conference starts and I have to work my butt off, but for now?
I'm sitting in my Four Seasons bathrobe (the kind Eddie Murphy would steal
in Beverly Hills Cop) waiting for room service. On the sunlit terrace,
hummingbirds are chirping.
The bathsoap is 20% French butter. When you ask for something on room
service, they say, 'With pleasure.'
Dropped a twenty on the door man, Chris, who's my age, and asked him if he
was somebody I could 'rely on' in the days to come. He assured me he was, and
pocketed the Andrew Jackson deftly. Like it never happened.
Watched Trigun and The Family Guy on Adult Swim, read from my Japanese Manga
- Cowboy Bebop (they made a movie - haven't seen it yet) and generally
bemoaned my good fortune. I am the guy who can't really believe that he's
in such a beautiful place, in fact that he has business in such a beautiful
place.
I must remind myself that I am the company's workhorse, but god*nm, what a
stable.
--
Later
--
OK, so, at the six o'clock massage?
They ask, 'would you prefer a male or female masseuse?'
I was like, 'bring on da honeys!'
They said, 'Vanessa will be your massesuse. She will see you at six
o'clock.'
'Oh, I'll be there,' I said.
They didn't tell me that Vanessa was sixty, and Chinese, but then again, why
would they?
Earlier today I was playing with myself on the tennis court. I played for
thirty minutes, felt that the ball machine wasn't challenging me enough, so
I went to adjust the controls. I set the machine to start pitching me lobs
and it started shooting them over the fence. Over the fence! Like Barry
Bonds. And the tennis pro is looking at me
like, what the heck are you doing, and I'm like, dude, it's your stupid
machine - why would you have a setting on it that fires the balls over the
fence? So I set it to fire the balls lower, and it shot them into the net,
and I was like, that obviously isn't working, so I set it higher and they
started going over the fence again. And the pro (who has six little squirts
running around) is like 'do you need help with the machine?' and the kids
are all going 'cool!' as the tennis balls get blasted fifty yards away into
the bird sanctuary.
I was like 'dude, your machine is stupid' and then he came over and showed
me how I could click on the higher or lower setting, I didn't have to crank
the machine to go all the way high, or all the way low, that in fact there
were heights of varying degrees.
The stress was, of course, unbelievable. Thank goodness for Vanessa and her Chinese ways. ¶ 5:43 PM
The reading went great, thanks for asking (many of you did). The full-blown
show is at the end of June - more info as the date draws closer. Thirty six
hours after the reading, I was on a plane for San Diego. The Spring Meeting
is here in sunny California.
Presently, there is light jazz playing on the room stereo, fresh plums and
bottled water at my bedside, potpourri hanging the closet.
Today I have tennis at three o'clock and a Swedish Massage at 6.
Dinner for 7 at Vivace, the five star restaurant here at the resort.
Rough life.
Tomorrow the conference starts and I have to work my butt off, but for now?
I'm sitting in my Four Seasons bathrobe (the kind Eddie Murphy would steal
in Beverly Hills Cop) waiting for room service. On the sunlit terrace,
hummingbirds are chirping.
The bathsoap is 20% French butter. When you ask for something on room
service, they say, 'With pleasure.'
Dropped a twenty on the door man, Chris, who's my age, and asked him if he
was somebody I could 'rely on' in the days to come. He assured me he was, and
pocketed the Andrew Jackson deftly. Like it never happened.
Watched Trigun and The Family Guy on Adult Swim, read from my Japanese Manga
- Cowboy Bebop (they made a movie - haven't seen it yet) and generally
bemoaned my good fortune. I am the guy who can't really believe that he's
in such a beautiful place, in fact that he has business in such a beautiful
place.
I must remind myself that I am the company's workhorse, but god*nm, what a
stable.
--
Later
--
OK, so, at the six o'clock massage?
They ask, 'would you prefer a male or female masseuse?'
I was like, 'bring on da honeys!'
They said, 'Vanessa will be your massesuse. She will see you at six
o'clock.'
'Oh, I'll be there,' I said.
They didn't tell me that Vanessa was sixty, and Chinese, but then again, why
would they?
Earlier today I was playing with myself on the tennis court. I played for
thirty minutes, felt that the ball machine wasn't challenging me enough, so
I went to adjust the controls. I set the machine to start pitching me lobs
and it started shooting them over the fence. Over the fence! Like Barry
Bonds. And the tennis pro is looking at me
like, what the heck are you doing, and I'm like, dude, it's your stupid
machine - why would you have a setting on it that fires the balls over the
fence? So I set it to fire the balls lower, and it shot them into the net,
and I was like, that obviously isn't working, so I set it higher and they
started going over the fence again. And the pro (who has six little squirts
running around) is like 'do you need help with the machine?' and the kids
are all going 'cool!' as the tennis balls get blasted fifty yards away into
the bird sanctuary.
I was like 'dude, your machine is stupid' and then he came over and showed
me how I could click on the higher or lower setting, I didn't have to crank
the machine to go all the way high, or all the way low, that in fact there
were heights of varying degrees.
The stress was, of course, unbelievable. Thank goodness for Vanessa and her Chinese ways. ¶ 5:43 PM
