Monday, September 29, 2003
Week 35 - Liquid Cucumber and the Infinite Sadness
September 29, 2003 10:03 PM
Great night tonight - my creative minds group (we don't have a name for
ourselves yet - I proposed Nun Hating Jew Nazis and the Women Who Love Them,
and Kids With Red Sneakers - we're still working on it) anyway, WE, met for the first time - they liked my idea for a TV show, which is based loosely upon my experiences teaching at a private school - which put me in an incredibly good mood. I mean, that's the whole
point of living here, right? -- spending time with people who think you're
the shit. What a Feeling!
Anyway, point of the story - I was in such a good mood I went home and
cleaned out the fridge. Now, if you know me, you know I DO NOT clean out the
fridge. No. Never. Unless I am getting ready to move out of the
apartment, I do NOT CLEAN THE FRIDGE (and if I am about to move out, I feel
put upon that I have to clean - I don't see the point in it, because, hey, I
don't care anymore. I don't live there)
But I did it. There was a terrible smell coming from the fridge and I
couldn't turn a blind eye/nose to it anymore.
My friends, I did not have to search for long. There it was in the
'Cripser'. This so called Crisper, which was not keeping ANYTHING crisp,
much less this liquid cucumber. OK, it was TECHNICALLY in a solid state,
Mr. Wizard, but barely. I touched it and it about exploded on contact,
running to mush like an icy stream thawed. It felt like a plastic bag
filled with water. It was gray on the inside. It has been there for a
long, long time.
It is almost two o'clock as I write this. Two o'clock is very late to be up
when you have to be at work at 9 in the morning.
But two o'clock is how long it took to clean out this so called refrigerator
and its so-called 'crispers.' It was more like a bio dome for mold. An
eighth-grade science project gone horribly, horribly wrong. Consider these
other assorted contents:
Chicken and noodles, fuzzy, been there at least two months.
Pot of rice, moldy - white mold spores - been there at least three months
Potatoes - white spots on them - age - ???
Smaller pot of rice - see above
Slice of beef - 2 weeks old - NO MOLD YET!!!!
Mayonaise that had expired in April.
Thai takeout, THREE CARTONS - at least two months old. (That was July,
folks.)
Mushy old red pepper.
Mushy old apples.
Old milk.
So I learned my lesson. NEVER CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE - IT IS SIMPLY SAFER TO
BUY A NEW ONE.
Share your balls.
Great night tonight - my creative minds group (we don't have a name for
ourselves yet - I proposed Nun Hating Jew Nazis and the Women Who Love Them,
and Kids With Red Sneakers - we're still working on it) anyway, WE, met for the first time - they liked my idea for a TV show, which is based loosely upon my experiences teaching at a private school - which put me in an incredibly good mood. I mean, that's the whole
point of living here, right? -- spending time with people who think you're
the shit. What a Feeling!
Anyway, point of the story - I was in such a good mood I went home and
cleaned out the fridge. Now, if you know me, you know I DO NOT clean out the
fridge. No. Never. Unless I am getting ready to move out of the
apartment, I do NOT CLEAN THE FRIDGE (and if I am about to move out, I feel
put upon that I have to clean - I don't see the point in it, because, hey, I
don't care anymore. I don't live there)
But I did it. There was a terrible smell coming from the fridge and I
couldn't turn a blind eye/nose to it anymore.
My friends, I did not have to search for long. There it was in the
'Cripser'. This so called Crisper, which was not keeping ANYTHING crisp,
much less this liquid cucumber. OK, it was TECHNICALLY in a solid state,
Mr. Wizard, but barely. I touched it and it about exploded on contact,
running to mush like an icy stream thawed. It felt like a plastic bag
filled with water. It was gray on the inside. It has been there for a
long, long time.
It is almost two o'clock as I write this. Two o'clock is very late to be up
when you have to be at work at 9 in the morning.
But two o'clock is how long it took to clean out this so called refrigerator
and its so-called 'crispers.' It was more like a bio dome for mold. An
eighth-grade science project gone horribly, horribly wrong. Consider these
other assorted contents:
Chicken and noodles, fuzzy, been there at least two months.
Pot of rice, moldy - white mold spores - been there at least three months
Potatoes - white spots on them - age - ???
Smaller pot of rice - see above
Slice of beef - 2 weeks old - NO MOLD YET!!!!
Mayonaise that had expired in April.
Thai takeout, THREE CARTONS - at least two months old. (That was July,
folks.)
Mushy old red pepper.
Mushy old apples.
Old milk.
So I learned my lesson. NEVER CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE - IT IS SIMPLY SAFER TO
BUY A NEW ONE.
Share your balls.
Labels: week 35
¶ 10:03 PM
